Financial Relativity

I am no Einstein! There have been times when people have called me that but I guess they were just exaggerating, being nice , wanted something done or all of the above. Why did Einstein come into my consciousness today? It’s like this. I wanted an opening for my thoughts on money and I realized for me the importance people place on money is relative. Relative. Relativity. Einstein! Pretty lame right? But atleast I am honest and it gave me a chance to brag about myself. So ,no regrets.

Now, I might be paraphrasing here but it seems he said that sitting with a pretty girl for an hour will be like five minutes whereas sitting on a hot stove for five minutes will be like an hour, when he was asked to explain his theory. Anybody who paid the slightest of attention in their English class in their high school on a State syllabus would remember this and I am sure no guy will forget it because it is frighteningly accurate.

The same way I realized something! I am a scrooge when it comes to money! I try to avoid lending money to anybody. Not friends ,not my brother and not even my GF. Why? The simplest reason I can think of is that in my experience things that I have given in the past have never returned properly. A few years back I did not have money. All I had was stuff. Which was obviously bought with my fathers money but which I used to treat like mine like any other normal teenager. I must be cursed by an Egyptian pharaoh or probably somebody who does not like me has a voodoo doll which resembles me because when I lend my stuff to friends they had this mystifying quality of disappearing and never ever returning back to me. Sometimes this happened right before my eyes. So when I entered college I was this neurotic who lends a pen to his classmate and keeps a watch for the entire day to check whether he is keeping it safely! My poor classmates! They were so creeped out that at times they returned my stuff to spare themselves of the horror that is me. That worked well for me because I got my stuff back properly. Even then sometime they lost my caps! Really irresponsible! Even through college it was always stuff because I had no money on me. Sometimes even for recharging my phone I used to borrow money from a normal friend who had no trust issues and I used to pay him back in installments. The weird thing was I was not comfortable even when I borrowed. It was like an OCD thing. You know OCD right ? Jack nicholson in ‘ As good as it gets’? Oscar? Ok. It’s a stupid neurotic thing. Maybe you should look it up. So, this is what happens. Say I have borrowed hundred bucks from a friend. I am watching this movie in the theatre. Suddenly I have this urge to start doing calculations as to whether I really borrowed hundred bucks and when I will be able to return it and whether I will be able to return it. And it does not happen once or twice but every five minutes or so. My mind has a mind of its own. And this is worse when I have lent money to somebody else.

This is where the relativity kicks in. I have noticed that when I have a steady inflow of cash lending about around even 5% of that does not trigger my worries but when I have considerably less cash on me and when the chances of seeing the person again are very less this neurosis is at its height.

So to avoid myself from greying out my hairs, when somebody asks me for money I tell them I can’t give them any because I don’t think i am in a position to do so if it is not somebody close or of if it is considerably a lot, again a lot for my taste. But to be very honest I am comfortable borrowing in emergencies and I make it a point to return it before that somebody asks for it. So don’t worry about your money it will come back to you! Seriously!

Also I have seen friends who are carefree and lend money left and right to others during my two years of Masters. And I have only heard them tell woeful stories about how they don’t get it back when they need it. My ideology is that a Friend in need policy should work both ways. I am not saying that you need to lend him money because he lent you money but being friends you must atleast have the courtesy to return his money back. He is not your dad! He is just your friend.

To some extent a bitter transaction like this could change the way we see each other. After such a deal when somebody mentions your name after few years I will remember you as the guy who did not return my money until I asked for it. Not the room-mate with whom I shared everything except my Poombukar.

I would rather be remembered as the Scrooge than as somebody who did not trust his friend because that’s what one will be called when he asks for his money. Whether I become the scrooge or the good friend or the nag is relative to money! And thus financial relativity becomes relevant. Also something I realized just now is that having been able to survive two years on a net amount of two laks approx inside the Campus during my Masters I feel that earning around three laks per annum is more than enough to live a simple life if not a good one. But I saw people who were not very happy with this package (mostly Bachelors Students) and expected more. Much more in fact. Again this is relativity!

To summarise, money is relative and I prefer borrowing to lending. This is what I have been trying to say.

I am Krawida and I need 20000 bucks for a new phone. Anybody?

Thanks,Rajesh!

Rajesh

This is my last week here. My parents want me to look at this girl’s photo. I told them I am not interested. I do not want to give the girl’s family false hope by asking for the photo. I don’t understand why I should even look at that photo?

Why don’t they understand? I don’t want to complicate things this week. I just want to be alone.

But then why am I hesitating? Why don’t I want to do this? I just need to look at the photo. How difficult can that be?

“Amma! Where is that photo?”

“We are not compelling you da kanna! We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to do it. But we don’t want to make that decision for you. It is up to you. The photo is on the television shelf. ”

Ok. Now where is it?

There!

This girl is cute! She has a nice warm smile. And she looks innocent. And she probably IS innocent. I can’t believe that she is…

But then it’s all up to me. The girl probably has no say in the matter. Do I want to do this? Or not?

I don’t understand why it is so difficult to decide for me. After all…

But then something about this girl want to make this commitment. What the hell? What have I got to lose?

“Whats her name,ma?”

Rajesh’s parents

“I am so happy that he decided to do this. The photo probably changed his mind about the whole deal. You were right.”

“He has always listened to us and he has always been reasonable. Sooner or later he would have realized that it would make him feel better.”

“Well anyway he will have one thing off his mind now. Maybe he will want to see her. Let’s see. Let’s give him some more time to think this through!”

“I wish he could be with us for more time”

“He does not like to discuss about that. Let’s not bring it up.”

“Ok OK! So where is he now?”

“He said he has some catching up to do with his close friends. He said he has to let his friends know about why he is leaving the country this week. I told him not to talk about this proposal.”

“Will he be back for dinner? Should he be eating outside so much? Seriously am I the only one who gets to eat your dinner. Please don’t try anything new on me. Just make what you do well. I have to stop paying for cable. All those food shows! And I have to suffer for it.”

“Careful there! Or you won’t get any dinner at all”

“Sorry, Madam. I will eat whatever you make.( to himself) what choice do I have?”

“What was that?”

“Nothing,ma. Nothing”

The Meeting

“I showed Rajesh the photo of your daughter. Something about her made him think and he agreed to it. We came to tell you the good news.”

“That really is good news. I don’t know what to say. Our daughter is lucky! We have been searching for a suitable match for a long time. When Rajesh’s name was suggested we were not sure how you would react if we approached you given that you were totally from a different background. We are not really the socializing type. But lately for the sake of our daughter we have been doing it. We really had no choice. This is something very important in her life and we wanted it to be right.”

“We understand. And I am sure you did not expect us to be so easy about this. I am sure you were surprised we responded so soon. But it took us sometime to convince him but the photo did the trick. There never was a doubt that he would agree after he sees her. She is an angel. We also showed him her family albums on Picasa. He spent some time looking at all her photos. He especially liked her fourth standard photos, in that pink frock.”

“We are keeping it a surprise for her. We are planning to tell her later. Thanks a lot.”

“You don’t have to thank us for this. We are going to be related soon.”

“That’s true.”

“So when is Rajesh leaving on this tour?”

“This weekend. For a month or so. He is taking one of his friends along. So he will constantly update his status.”

“So do you want to have dinner now or..”

Few months later…

Priya

“Hello Uncle! I am Priya! I came to see Rajesh. And sorry to call him by name. My parents said it was ok as me and him are same to you. I don’t know what that means. My parents dropped me off here and have gone for temple. They have said they will pick me up later.”

“Priya ah? Come Come, ma. Come inside. Raji! Raji! Look who is here? We have seen you in photo before but seeing you in person for the first time. I heard you had an eye infection last week. Is that ok now? You are alright, right?”

“Yes, uncle. Doctor said its ok now. Actually appa said I will be meeting Rajesh today. He said he is an extraordinary person.”

“ Actually in a way you will be meeting him. Yes. But before we get into that do you want to have anything? Ice cream? Or Rose milk?”

“Rose milk.”

“Raji! Bring some Rose milk,ma.”

“Coming.”

“So let me get this over with. Rajesh is not with us. I don’t know how to tell you. Have you studied about leukaemia? Or have you watched A Walk to Remember? You have seen. So you know what leukaemia is,right? Ya . Now, Rajesh was a terminal patient. He was suffering from leukaemia. When we learnt about you he had gone through his final Chemo. Chemo is a treatment for this. You will learn about it later. You are in seventh right? So you will learn about it. But the thing is at that time Billroth referred your parents to Rajesh. Of all possible matches his was the best match for you. He was not really keen to do it at the beginning but afterwards he saw a picture of you. Then he changed his mind. But before he could do it he wanted to enjoy the little time he had. He went on a trip around the world. From which he never intended to return. Of course we did not tell your parents at that time because we did not want to alarm them. So he started from india and went on to Singapore,Malaysia and Japan. He wanted to go as much as his body would permit. In Melbourne he became really sick. At that point he said he felt he a sudden urge to communicate his feelings to you. So he made a tape. Subsequently he was admitted in a hospital there and only a bag and a freezer returned back. We wanted to show you the tape because it was for you.”

The Tape

“Hi! I was told your name was Priya! I don’t know what you will be doing when you watch this. Exams or fancy dress or birthday or what not. But I only wish you are able to WATCH me. I have never been a good Samaritan or somebody who does things like this. If I told my friends few years back that I was going to donate something after my death they would have laughed at me. Even I would have if somebody had suggested it to me. But God had a different plan for me. I killed myself with two fingers. Yeah! That’s what it takes to hold a cigarette! And I was doomed. I had only myself to blame. I am causing so much pain to my parents but they told me that they would like to see some part of to me live rather then losing me totally! They consulted doctors about it and their wish was probable. They only wanted my permission. Who am I to tell them I won’t do it when I have wasted the life they gave me totally? I was not keen though. But when I saw your photo I saw innocence. Here I was someone who had wasted the gift of life and on the other hand, there was you, who could not see all the beauty in this world, things which I never had time to see. It was then that I decided that you would see the world through my eyes. But I wanted it to be special! I had read somewhere that the things which a person sees last before his death get imprinted on his retina forever. I do not know whether it is true. But I did not want to donate the eyes of a sinner. But I decided the things I see before I die will only be beautiful and at the same time I wanted to distance my parents from the pain I undergo. That is why I took this trip! I assure you I have only seen the most wonderful stuff I possibly can. I want you to thank my parents for this and the nurse who is with me shooting this. She does not even know how to hold a camera. I hope she is shooting it properly because I don’t think I can do it again. Everything has been quite fuzzy for the last few days! I wish I had given my parents more happiness! Goodbye guys! I love you! Goodbye Priya! Study well! Take care of your parents! Ok that’s it. Shut it off. What? You don’t know how to shut it off. Just press that red power button on the top…….”

THE ORGANIZER AND THE SLACKER

STORY OF THE ORGANIZER-UNIVERSE 1

She has asked me to come to that restaurant today. Our restaurant. Where we usually eat after she comes from work. Where I insist that I pay my half for the food even though she has got a job and I don’t. Only today is different. Her parents are going to be there. They want to see me. They want to talk to me. I have to tell them what I feel frankly. I have to be there by six is what she has said.

5:00 PM Home

I have taken a shower. Check

The shirt I wanted to wear is neatly ironed and in the place where I put this morning.Check

I am dressed now. Check.

Have taken purse. Check

Shoes . Check. Comb. Check. Kerchief.Check. Phone. Check

5:10 PM Road

I have lot of time. I have started early. It takes only ten minutes to reach that place by local and there is a train every ten minutes at this hour. The last train I need to catch is the 5:45 but I am pretty early. I will probably be able to catch the 5:20 if I go at this pace…

…That guy is talking on the phone. Why do people talk on the phone while walking?

“…..have started. Will be there on time. Ya ya wont be late.”

Looks like he is also going to meet someone but he is visibly in a hurry. He does not seem to be watching where he is going… Woof!

“Hey! Don’t you have eyes?”

What???Did he just tell me the collision is my fault?

“Are you telling me it’s my fault?”

“Of course it’s your fault! Watch where you are going! Don’t have time for you! (Muttering to himself) Have to recharge my phone!”

The nerve of that fellow. Shouting at me like I was responsible when he was the one who was talking on that phone.

Am I bleeding? Seems like I scratched my elbow. Will have to wash it and get a band-aid!

5:25 PM Still on the road…

That cost me some time. I can still make it. Good thing I started early.

… don’t I know that person who is standing with that cycle. Yeah! It’s that neighbor. He helped me when mom was sick and in the hospital. What is he doing?

“hiiii”

“Hi! What are you doing here ? waiting for someone?”

“No. I blew my front tire. I need to get it to a service shop. The nearest one is near the station. But I have some urgent work this way. Was just weighing my choices when you came by.”

“Well, I am going to the station! I will drop it there for you and you collect it later!”

“You will do that? Are you sure? I don’t want to impose on you.”

“It’s not at all a problem. You carry on. I will take care of this.”

“Thanks a lot”

I hope I make it on time….

5:35 PM Station

What a crowd? What is happening here?

“Excuse me! What’s happening here?”

“ Shooting going on inside station boss. For new Gautham menon movie”

“I need to catch the train to LB road. Is it possible to get inside?”

“I don’t think so boss. The last train was at 5:25. They cancelled all other trains. You have to take the bus or something.”

S**T!

I am screwed!

6:30 PM Restaurant

“Hi, hanshu. Have you been waiting here for long?(in hushed tone) Where are your parents?”

“ They came early. We came here by 5:40. Thinking that you will be here on time. They waited for forty five minutes on my compulsion. They left just ten minutes back. They have other commitments. I waited here to tell you that. Bye”

“ Hey hanshu listen to me… Hanshu”

Am I screwed or what?

Why is that guy looking at me strangely? Come on, man! Have you not seen somebody fight before?

STORY OF THE SLACKER- UNIVRSE 2

She has asked me to come to that restaurant today. Our restaurant. Where we usually eat after she comes from work. Where she insists that she use her meal coupons and I let her. Only today is different. Her parents are going to be there. They want to see me. They want to talk to me. I have to tell them what I feel frankly. I have to be there by six is what she has said. Why do they want to see me???

5:10 Home

Do I smell ok?

Dude! You smell like a pig! That calls for the AXE effect! Who showers twice a day when you have bodydprays?

Is my hair ok? Get the gel. Put some on and spike it up! Who combs their hair when you have hair gel?

Which t shirt looks like it has been washed? That one. I have worn it only twice. The jeans that I am wearing is ok.

I don’t need a purse. They will probably sponsor today.

Mobile phone? Have to recharge it. I better hurry. Hey! Friends is on on Star World. Let me watch it for some time and then go. Hilarious!

5:20 PM Road

Jog faster! Jog! Jog jog…

Mobile is ringing!

“Hey hanshu! I am ready. Ya ya. Have started. Will be there on time. Ya ya . Wont be late.”

Woof!

“F****r! Cant you see wher you are going?”

“Hello Mister! Are you saying this is my fault?”

“Of Course that’s what I am saying you dweeb! Watch where you are going!’

I have to recharge! The call got disconnected! Hope she did not hear that!

5:25 PM Shop

“Man! Recharge for hundred please”

“Wait sir! This person was here first.”

“Hello Excuse me Sir I am kinda in a hurry. Can you wait or something?… Hey paachu! Is it you? I almost did not recognize you.”

“Hey! How are you man? Long time no see. Where are you in such a hurry for?”

“First tell me something where are you going? Can you drop of at the station?”

“Oh.. Ok. I am going that way. Will do. I heard they are shooting for Gautams next movie there”

“ Wow cool! And pay the shopkeeper hundred yaar. Will return it later”

In your dreams!

5:42 PM Station

“Hey man! Nice seeing you after such a long time and thanks a lot for your timely lift dude”

“Anytime ,man! Wait . one minute. I had gone to temple. Take this prasadham.”

“Thank man!See you”

What’s the commotion about near the entrance?

“ Hello Excuse me! Whats going on?”

“ They were shooting for gautam menons new movie. But hero broke his leg during a stunt sequence. They are taking him to the hospital”

“Shooting uh? Are the trains running ? I need to get to LB road.”

“That’s funny! Somebody asked me the same thing five minutes back but the shooting was going on then. I told him to take a bus and he left. But now the trains will probably start running. If that fellow had waited he too could have got the train probably. Poor fellow.”

I jus asked you whether I will get a train. What are you blabbering about?

“ Thank you boss for your information”

6:10 PM Restaurant

“Hi hanshika! Hello Uncle! Hello aunty!”

“ You are late”

“ Actually I had gone to temple da. It became late there. Take this prasadham.”

Hanshika’s mom: “What a nice boy!”

Blah blah blah….

“… Dhanshu! Listen to me! Dhanshoo!..”

Who is that? Oh its some couple fighting! Poor guy!

FIN

God the Endorser

I hate Coke and Pepsi and Mirinda and a lot of other products because of one reason. They taste crappy! I don’t think there is one person who drinks it without wondering why he is drinking it! Or maybe our brains have become so numb that they atop triggering distress signals when you drink them! They are probably in strike.’ This guy does not listen to our warnings so why warn at all?’ So why do i hate them? I thought we cleared that up! They are crappy! Give me a reason why we should drink it? They are carbonated drinks and are not good for us and the calories are not going to flatter our waist nor is it going to help us in our Mission 6 pack. And why are we even discussing this? Good you are paying attention! If there is nothing good about them how come celebrities are lining up to endorse for them? How come people who go to the movies buy it even though water is available that too for a cheaper rate? It is a vicious circle! Celebrities endorse it! We try it! We use it! We hate it! We see another celebrity endorsing it! We hope something will be different! We try it! We use it! In short celebrities endorse a product which they probably avoid for more reason than one while we are throwing our money in the hope to look cool, happening and elite!

I dare you to watch an advertisement for a soft drink next time! Each one of them definitely has the celebrity gulping down the drink with a pet bottle in slow motion! Next time pay close attention! The law of conservation of mass says that if the drink is being emptied into the throat of the celebrity then the bottle should be getting emptied even if it is for a very small amount! But you won’t see that happening! Because they are not drinking it! They are getting paid to not drink it while we pay money to drink the same stuff! See the irony?

So again where exactly am I going with this? I am coming to that. The role that celebrities play in our life is also aped by a very important entity which everybody revere! Ya you guessed it!

God!

What? How exactly?

This is how I see it! Today religion is a product which is being sold to us!

If your son is on the wrong path we seek god! If your father is sick you seek god! If you have not done your exams well you seek god! We try to pay him off with money, special dharshans and special offerings! Gold, silver and what not! Little do we realize all this money was created by us for transactions and barters! God does not need it! What is he going to buy if at all he does take it? Once inside the holy place we keep our rationalities outside! We do not think where our offerings go. We do not care.

Where can we find the most number of sinners in any given day? The pub? Jail you say? I don’t think any of it correct! I would say tirupathi! Because that is where paying off of God, who is the ultimate judge of us all, is the maximum! Lord Venkatesh is the highest paid official in religious India! And what is he if not an endorser for the farce that is religion and the most successful business enterprise in modern times! Evangelists, Godmen, Ashrams, and Holy abode wherever religion has spread material corruption and flawed humanity is also prevalent!

And like that is not enough TTDC holds special functions outside Thirumala wherever they wish and the Hundi spreads its branches everywhere! More money and more money and that alone can wash your sins off and that alone can get you a shortcut to view the Lord because that’s what equality is!

If I am to go by the stories my granny told me God is supposed to be a nice person! He does not rob you! In fact if you are good to people he gives you nice things! So by that reckoning Lord Venkatesh is not God! I don’t think whatever we perceive as God today would not be! If God is really the person he is made out to be he would have packed his stuff and left temples, churches and other such place centuries back ! So God in today’s world is just a marketing ploy like those celebrities who sell cola!

In fact I am not so sure about the ‘he’ part! Maybe we should say IT. So It probably is everywhere or maybe It has left Earth! Maybe it does not like to be referred to as God anymore! So its not such a bad thing to be an atheist or to be agnostic! And that makes me feel better knowing that I am not causing anybody any trouble and not paying off anybody to hide my sins!

I am krawida and I am not religious!

A FICTIONAL LOVE STORY

This is something which happened to me! But I am not me! I am a fictional character in this fictional story but whom you will have to treat like any other fictional character- like I am real! Like the characters in a novel! And my character loves Jeffrey Archer!

With that having been said this is the story of me falling in love five times during my college each girl more beautiful than the other! Lucky right? Not really! Atleast not in the way you think!

It all started on August 16, 2004…

Chapter Tania
August 2004

Shucks ! I am getting late for college. Why do I have to pee now? And why does my stupid brother be in the toilet now reading the newspaper? I don’t have time for breakfast also.

“Sam! Come out of the F*****g toilet this instant! I have to go to college! Its my first day! I don’t want to be late!”

“Dude! Calm down! Don’t crap your pants in your anger! I will finish the sports section and be out in around two mintutes.You can hold back for that long right?”

Is it my imagination or do I hear him snickering inside?

…

Ten minutes later…

Oof! Oof! I gotta catch the bus on time! There it is! Running sure is difficult with all this stupid stuff they have us carrying around!

I am nearly there. Please don’t start the bus! Please! Please please please please!

Gosh! That was close! Now where do I sit? Only the ladies side has got some seats. Next to that fat girl or next to that nerdy girl? Inky pinky……

There is not much space to sit here, I should have picked the other one.

“Hi”

Is she talking to me? I guess she is.

“Hi”

“which college do you go to”

“ CBIT”

“ Really? That’s where we go too.”

We?

“I mean me and my friend Tinaa. My name is Cindy”

Tina was the nerd. Who reads such fat books???

“ Good to hear. My name is…”

Present…

So that was my first day in college. They both would become close friends of mine. So where are these girls I told about? Wait up! You will meet them.

Chapter Taine
October 2004
This canteen is always crowded. For the crap food that they serve here I wonder why ?

All I could get was sandwich. Wow! Did I see a girl or what?

God! Did she just wave at me or am I imagining things? No. I guess I just imagined it. She is walking out with the novel in hand.

What’s her name? Which class is she in? Will I sleep today?

Kane and abel…….. Nice book!

Present…

What sort of guy does not find out details about a girl he is interested in. I will tell you who. Me! I have always been tongue-tied ever since high school when a girl laughed at me during prayer when the whole auditorium was silent, when I told her “I like you. You like me?” Well, thinking back I deserve that. Who says that as an opening line to a girl to whom you are talking to for the first time. Anyway, this time too in college I did not try finding out who she was. In fact I never tried it throughout college. If I had done that I would have found useful stuff.

Chapter Ni-Tai

October 2004

I have a thing for Asians! I love Korean movies and Naruto and martial arts movies! And I have got all three parts of Sex and Zen trilogy.

“….this author wrote some of his novels from prison. It was called… hey! Hi”

Who is this interrupting my thoughts? Please god, let it be a beautiful Asian!

Wow! Who is this angel? I love this college

“Hi”

Talk something.. Talk something.. Something.. Ask her her name. Ask her whether she knows you. Say something Damn it!

“Actually, I was wondering whether I could get your engineering mechanics Text book so that I could photocopy the necessary stuff for upcoming quizzes. I heard you have got the prescribed author and I don’t have enough time to buy it within Mondays models. Can you bring it tomorrow?”

What did she say to you? Are you listening? What is that aeroplane sound? Don’t stare at her, idiot! Look at her eyes! Just say yes.

“Yes”

“Thank you, will see you around.”

Present…

What’s wrong with me man? Thinking back I realized I had become like that character from big bang theory. What’s his name? The indian guy. Rajesh. Maybe a little booze would have loosened my tongue up. Or not.

Chapter Niota
December 2004

“ Hey Cindy! I am really grateful that you came to help me pick out Christmas presents! Without you I would be lost. Can you stop eating that donut and listen to me for a sec?”

“ Idhh iff moo poofood doo”

“ Can u please talk without eating?”

“ I said it is my pleasure too. You can repay me by paying for the donuts”

“Donuts?plural? how many did you order? You said you were going to start die… Wow! Look at that.”

“look at what”

“that girl over there”

“ What are you looking like that for ? You know her. I am not surprised that you seem to be into her. She is your type.”

“ what?i know her? NO I DONT! and you know her? That’s cool!’

“ you know, you will like her a lot! She is intelligent, reads fat books like you, has a great sense of humor…..”

“ She is beautiful.That should go on top of that list.”

“ What??? if you say so.”

“ She must be really popular.”

“uh? Not really!”

“ She is taking the lift. I am going after her. Bye ,Cin”

”Hey! Pay for the donuts… you S****y piece of Crap! Don’t ditch me! You son of a…………”

Present…

Did I find her that day? What do you think? You guessed right. As with the others I lost out with this girl too. Call it fate . It brings me the best girls but takes away my courage to pursue them. I am mentally crippled! It was like a test! I decided that the next girl I like I will tell her without wasting time! I made a resolution. A new year resolution!

Chapter Tunia
January 2005

Its results time!

…look at all that crowd before the notice board!

I am sure I would have passed but am I the best! Because I have always been so!

…no! no! this is not possible! Mine is the second highest CGPA! I have always been the best ! I cannot be second best… no ! no!......

“ EEEEEEEEEE!”

What is that unearthly sound? It is a girl screaming. No ! she is shouting in delight! ….NO!

She must be the one who with the highest CGPA! Grrrr! I must see who this girl is!

… this is preposterous! I don’t even remember seeing her in any of the classes! But look at her. she is so…..beautiful! dude! U have to be angry. Don’t get melted away by beauty! I am sure she has cheated. She has never been in any of the classes! I don’t know who she is! I will give her a piece of my mind!

…

”Hello! Miss! I cant help wondering how you scored such a high CGPA. Its impossible and I love you whatever your name is”

Whaat? Did I jus tell her I love her? Brace yourself! You are going to be humiliated worst than in high school! Or she may hit you… don’t open your eyes… let me be dead. Let all this be a dream…..

“I love you too. I have been waiting for you to say this for a long time. From the day I met you on the bus I have liked you. You did not acknowledge me when I waved at you in the canteen. And It is because you gave me your book for photocopying that I was able to make up for my weak subject. I was heartbroken when I saw you in the mall with Cindy! But then Cindy told me you had a thing for me and I have been waiting for you to tell me ever since.”

… and with that she starts crying and she hugged me!

What in God’s name is happening here? Who is this girl?

Present…

Tania, Taine, Ni-Tai, Niota, Tunia……

Aeiou…

Tani, Tain,Ni-ta,Nita, Tnia- TINA!

So what really happened? Well Cindy is not really the bright type! But even she could see that Tina was the girl for me. So even during the first meeting my brain recognized the signals of love! Though consciously I was not in love, at a sub-conscious level I had started liking Tina from the first sight! And you know how it is! When you love someone they will seem like the hottest person in the world! So even though Tina was not what anybody would define as a conventional beauty since I liked her as days passed she seemed to be more and more prettier! And since I was not conscious of all this chemical stuff happening inside me I saw Tina as different people the more I fell in love with her! And it did not help that I became tongue tied and not once during our five meetings did I ask her for her name!

But the clues were always there…

Fat book, Kane and Abel, Prison diaries… they all screamed out Jeffrey Archer! I could not have been a coincidence that she was into my favourite author and we had been somehow connected by fate like Kane and Abel!

Chaos!

I told a friend of mine that I am ready to marry my girl-friend. He said he is happy for me and asked what number she was. Number? Ya you heard right! I asked him to elaborate since I did not know what he meant and it could mean a million things any one of which I was not willing to assume. So he told me. I think he was good in algebra. Because this is what he did. He took a pen. He wrote “she is your ‘x’th girl-friend. Whats the value of x?”. Oh! I got it now. He would have made a good teacher! Pity he was in the Army! I asked him whether the ones who did not reciprocate counted? He gave me a weird look. I guess it meant no. So I told him that she was my first one and I intend her to be the last. Another weird look! But then he asked me something which made me think.
“Are you going to MARRY your first ever girl-friend?”
The question is not really very relevant in my case because this girl I love is the only one who can tolerate my eccentricities. So the answer to his question in my case was a no brainer. Of course I was! I am not letting her go in hope of a better one! She is the ONE!
But what made me think about his question was ‘should this so called love thing happen only once?’
Sure! Hollywood makes lots of movies about soulmates and stuff and DON’T even get me started on Indian movies. Any person who has had more than one girl-friend will be the villain and his female equivalent will be a vamp!
Sure the whole ‘soul-mates’ stuff is all mushy-mushy and romantic and in some sense I do consider my gal my soul-mate but does it apply to everyone?
The answer can only be one. No way!
Why? Because as rational engineers what we have been taught is that something which holds good in one situation may not hold good in other situations. For example, one word- heterogeneity. We always assume everything is homogeneous. Whats the deal with that?
Anyway ,so the same reasoning tells me that though things have worked out well for me it may not be so for everyone and that’s why we hear the word ‘break-up’ a lot!
The human mind is complex. It does not follow algorithms to make decisions though human arrogance believes that that is the way we make decisions. So when we do something simple as picking out a shirt at the mall we are not guided by pre-programmed requisites but rather we are guided by visual appeal, price, smooth talking/ beautiful sales-person, a pretty stranger near you before whom you do not wish to exhibit your miserliness etc.
So while choosing partners there is so much more complications as the ‘article of choice’ here is also human and it is so many orders different and difficult. Like a chess game. Lets say choosing a shirt is like a Bollywood chess game where the hero says ‘checkmate’ when the villain has just said ‘check’(????) and choosing a partner is like a chess game with Vishy himself!
So where does all this fit within the title ‘Chaos’? What title? Oh! I got carried away and have digressed a lot. But coming back, the point that I am trying to make is that there is no established ‘order’ in life. Order as in organized not as in ‘would you like to place an order for chicken chilli pizza with capsicum and ginger toppings?’. Planning never works because when you don’t have an umbrella it rains! When there is no toilet nearby you feel the sudden need to extricate the fluids from your body! You know where I am going with this.
Everything is chaos incarnate! There are no Gaussian curves in real life. Well, atleast not a lot. We cant predict weather, stock prices or how a cricket match is going to turn out. Unless its fixed! So what am I saying? I am saying that when so much is unpredictable its just natural for people to choose a partner based on as little as instinct. Sometimes it works out. Most times it does not. Maybe I am a lucky one.
So should we not believe in theories of ‘love at first sight’, ‘soul-mates’ and ‘love happens once’? I am not saying that! Be romantic! Dreaming a bit now and then did not harm anybody! But it is imperative to know that we are dreaming!
I am krawida and I believe in ‘n’th love and chaos!
P.S Having said that its chaos everywhere it means there is nobody controlling our lives. Nobody called GOD! But that’s for another day

Thoughts on me!

Am I an extrovert? No. Am I an introvert then? Honestly, I would not call myself that either. I am somewhere between those two definitions. So if I were to define myself I would say I am an ambivert. No! I did not make that up. It is a real word. And it means …. Well it means whatever I have been trying to define so long. Me! It also defines a personality which has got traits of introversion and extroversion. Who am i? I AM ………SPIDERMAN!

I wish!

But going by my character trait I COULD be him given that Peter Parker is an introverted nerd (which I am at times) and his alter ego spider-man is a total extrovert making cheesy one liners on everything no matter what sort of situation he is in! The oneliners are funny actually! So I could be Spider-man but unfortunately I am not!

But if people who know me are asked to say what sort of person I am they would probably go for nerdy Peter or funny Spider-man! Why? Well, it could be my coping mechanism which I developed my lonesome life without a proper caring family environment but I am really not the sentimental type unless it’s a Korean romance movie like My Sassy Gal! Come on! That movie is a classic light hearted sentimental fun movie which makes me cry! You WILL too if only u watch it!

So when am I the nerdy introvert and when am I the superhero who rescues people with humor? You are smart! That’s a good question! Let me think!

Hmmmm….Hmmmm… It’s like this. I am an introvert around people I don’t meet frequently and an extrovert around people who I know are not going to judge me no matter what! So hi there, stranger or infrequent friend? Are u gonna hear some really good oneliners from me today when we are passing each other and exchange pleasantries for around five minutes? Most probably not! You want to know why? Well, I believe that five minutes is not enough time to get my ideas across whatever they are. So if in those five minutes I cant get across anything important ,then I would rather not talk! And my joke glands need familiarity! Five minutes is not enough warm up for them to start working and not enough time for me to feel in the ‘comfort zone’.

So now you want to know whether I am a mentally sick person like the guy from Fight club who dreamed up personalities for different situations? Well yes!

Hey! That was not me! Don’t listen to that voice! The answer is no and I am not mentally sick!

Yes I am!

No I am not!

He He! Just kidding! And you know something psychiatrists dont use the term ‘split personality’ anymore. The new scientific term is Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID.

So have I got DID? No! My name is Krawida and I do not have DID!

P.S. Notice the anagram in the name!